Cody and I decided to start a gofundme page. It was tough, we both hate asking for help. We have an opportunity to move up our PRIDE training to May and realized this is a blessing. With weeks of trying to go through our local social services and trying get answers and training dates, we finally got an answer of indefinitely. They don’t know when they will be able to hold the training so we decided to move forward with a private agency. Needless to say we are moving at lighting speed compared to local social services. We are extremely excited to be moving forward and can’t wait to go through this process!
Hey everyone! Sorry I have been MIA. We have had a lot going on these past two weeks with my sister in town, bridal showers, and softball tournaments! What has been happening with us and our infertility journey? Well with cycle 19 being a fail, Cody and I have had a long, hard, emotional discussion on what we want to do next. Now this discussion has been going on for months but we are still hoping we can get pregnant naturally. It looks like that might not be the case or it might take us many more failed cycles to get our BFP. We have always talked about having a big family. As the months pass, we are realizing we might not be able to do that on our own sooo..
WE HAVE DECIDED TO ADOPT
Not only have we decided to adopt but we have decided to adopt from our local Foster Care system here in Virginia. For the past month we have been talking to a local non-profit Connecting Hearts. They have been helping us with the first steps of adoption from foster care. Did you know there are more than 800 kids in Virginia’s foster care system waiting to be adopted? Most of them will age out of the system. The process of going through your local Social Services is a long one. It seems our county is having some issues (to say the least). After waiting for several weeks to hear from them, they finally called us pretty much to say they did not know when they will be having their next PRIDE training session (which is the first step). We have decided to go with a private agency so we can get started sooner rather than later. Even going through a private agency the process can take about 4-8 month to complete. First we have PRIDE training, which is a 30 hour course, then background checks and finally the home study. We are at the very beginning of this process and are very excited!
This does not mean we are not going to have biological children. We have decided fertility treatment is not for us, but we are moving forward with finding the why. Why we are infertile and what may be causing our infertility? I have my surgery consult next Monday for my endometriosis. I just had blood work done again and everything came back great. We hope to find answers so we can move forward wherever this journey takes us.
What is next for me in my infertility treatment? Cody and I have been discussing the next steps for the past 6 months, it’s not easy deciding our future. A little more background with my infertility is that there is question that I might have Endometriosis. What is Endometriosis? A disorder in which tissue that normally lines the uterus grows outside the uterus. How does it cause infertility? Severe endometriosis causes pelvic scarring and distortion of pelvic anatomy. The tubes can become damaged or blocked and the ovaries often contain cysts of endometriosis (endometriomas) and may become adherent to the uterus, bowel or pelvic side wall. Any of these anatomic distortions can result in infertility. In some cases the eggs in the ovaries can be damaged, resulting in decreased ovarian reserve and reduced egg quantity and quality. The only way to diagnose endometriosis is through a laparoscopy. When we meet with our RE he wanted us to start Clomid and IUI right away. At the time we didn’t think this is the best option for us, and we still don’t. We have decided to get to the bottom of what is the cause of the infertility and get the surgery to see if I have endometriosis. This will change what type of treatment we will do if I am diagnosed with it. If I am we will have a long road in front of us. And if not (hopefully I don’t) we will decide what treatment we will move forward with.
Boy we will be busy the next couple of weeks! My sister is coming to town at the end of March. She lives in California with her husband Jon and their two boys T(9) and B(7). THEY ARE MOVING TO VIRGINIA! 🙂 So they are coming out to look at houses, hopefully to be moved out here by June! We decided to hold a barbecue for a meet and greet with friends and extended family. We want to do a lot to the house and we started last night on a fire pit.
We are hoping to do something like this, minus the path.
Here is the progress so far.
Before. Cooper really wanted to have his picture taken.
He really wanted his picture taken 🙂
Setting the layout.
We have a fire pit!
I’m super excited to get this finished! We are going to get the pea gravel this weekend to finish it up! Next up is a patio! I’ll keep you posted.
What’s the meaning behind the blog name? How it came about? I read this bible verse in one of my devotional plans I was following: Be on your guard. Stand firm in faith. Be courageous, Be Strong. Do everything with love (1 Corinthians 16:13-14). This verse spoke to me. Everyday I would wake up and recite it. Just a month ago I was angry at Him, asking WHY ME? Here He is telling me I need to be living courageously and with strength. That was not happening. I was in fear all the time that I will never be a mother. That I am never going to have a family. A couple days later while I was reading the devotional plan Chasing Failure, another verse caught my eye. He says,“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous” (1 Joshua 9). He can command us to be courageous because He’s there holding our hand and guiding us to success. These scriptures gave me the idea of sharing my experience and possibly helping others through theirs. We have no other choice than to live without fear, brave the unexpected, and remain strong in this world of ours. This is how Courageously Strong World was born.
Let’s face it, I will never truly be stress free. When you are struggling with infertility the stress level is always higher. Even when you “take a month off” from tracking, you are not really taking the month off. It’s not something that is easily forgotten. The stress about what is next will always be there? When will it be our turn? What will our friendsand family think if we adopt? Will they be as supportive like during fertility treatments? Will I ever be okay with not having a biological child? The thinking and questions are endless, but you learn to cope. Here are things I do to relieve some of the stress and keep my mind preoccupied.
Exercise! Well duh! You hear all the time because it has been proven that exercise helps with stress. I have a personal trainer (Emily) who I work out with atleast 3 times a week. I call these my personal therapy lessons. HA. I have some awesome work out buddies who encourage me as well. My mom, twin sister and my sister-in-law!
I am becoming Crafty! I recently purchased a Silhouette Cameo. It is a craft cutting machine. I have been making cups, t-shirts, home decor, and a few cool surprises for my sister-in-law’s bridal shower! I have also recently started coloring. The adult coloring books are quite relaxing. I can color for hours and I lose all track of time.
Gardening! With spring in the air, I have started my garden. We hope to grow our vegetable garden this year and I have already started the seeds! These are my babies right now! I can’t wait to see these guys start spouting! Our last years garden over grew as you can see. haha
It seems this is all you hear when you are struggling with infertility. ‘It will happen when you least expect it” is another one you hear a lot. When you are struggling with infertility those are the WORST WORDS to hear. Yes, we know you mean well but those words do more harm than good. We were “relaxed” the first year. It was all fun and games until we noticed something was not right. When all you ever want in life is to be called “Mom,” there is nothing relaxing about being told “you may never get pregnant on your own.”
I have asked some of my fellow infertility sisters what is the worst thing they have heard in regards to “getting pregnant” and/or trying to show sympathy.
Silvia – ”Stop trying and it will happen.” As if 2 years of trying naturally is not an indication something is wrong. “Your boobs are so big, imagine when you get pregnant” hmm what? I don’t care what my boobs will be like!
Alanna – “You two should just get totally drunk and I’m sure you’ll get pregnant.” Alright I’ll get right on that….Seriously!
Jenny A – “You should just adopt.” Drives me crazy. Oh, thanks, I never thought of that simple solution.
Jenny H – “It’s all in God’s plan” or “It’ll happen in God’s time” Though I believe in God’s guidance, I in no way believe that God caused my miscarriages to happen for some greater purpose.
Vida – “Just stop trying and it will happen” is the hardest to hear.
We have put our lives on hold for some of us, it’s been years. We have been poked and prodded more times than not. Our relationships have suffered. We have had to deal with loss. We’re emotionally spent. We deal with failure on an almost daily basis. We are tired, frustrated, and have been beaten down over and over. Relax is not something we want to hear and it’s not the answer to our problems.
This is when it really hit me that maybe my definition of “mom” might be completely different than your definition. Many of you might not know that Cody and I have been struggling with infertility. Well actually most of you don’t know because this is the first time I have said to out loud. I am infertile, what does that mean? Infertility is defined as the inability to conceive or carry a pregnancy to term after 12 months of trying to conceive. We are currently going on 18 months.
Here is a little back ground. I got off birth control september 2014. The first 6 months we were not necessarily trying to conceive but certainly were not preventing conception. After the 6 months I started tracking, using OPKs (ovulation prediction kits) and BD (baby dancing) when the time hit! Well that year went by slow and painful. Cody and I started discussing it was time to see a specialist, just to make sure nothing is preventing us. Better safe than sorry. So I made an appointment with my OBGYN to go over what’s next. Well you guessed it she referred us to a RE (reproductive endocrinologist) We started all the infertility testing. Labs, HSG (hysterosalpingogram) and seman analysis. Everything come back wonderful! My labs were perfect, tubes wide open, and seman was fast and plentiful! HA 😉 So what does that mean? We have been diagnosed with Unexplained Infertility.. Which means after the test results came back and no detectable reason for infertility is identified, the unexplained infertility diagnosis is given. This does NOT mean that there isn’t a reason for the infertility. It means that the science and the diagnostic tests are not advanced enough to detect the cause of infertility. Egg quality, fertilization, and implantation factors are difficult to test and may be the underlying problems….
We have been living with that diagnosis for six months. Deciding what is next, coping, discussing treatment options, other options, hoping, praying. Frankly, “Unexplained Infertility” really translates to, “I can’t find anything obviously wrong with you so let’s just dump you in this category.” Cody and I don’t believe in “unexplained infertility” it is BS. How can we (healthy, young, perfect 😉 ) people be infertile. So that leads us to my favorite quote. My definition of “mom” or “dad” might be different than yours.
Welcome lovelies! Thank you for taking the time and visiting my page! This is a huge step for me. Courageously Strong World is a look into the world of a courageously strong couple, my husband Cody and myself! This blog will be a place where I will share our struggle, coping, living, and how we will move forward with our diagnosis of infertility.