Just Relax

It seems this is all you hear when you are struggling with infertility. ‘It will happen when you least expect it” is another one you hear a lot. When you are struggling with infertility those are the WORST WORDS to hear. Yes, we know you mean well but those words do more harm than good. We were “relaxed” the first year. It was all fun and games until we noticed something was not right. When all you ever want in life is to be called “Mom,”  there is nothing relaxing about being told “you may never get pregnant on your own.”

I have asked some of my fellow infertility sisters what is the worst thing they have heard in regards to “getting pregnant” and/or trying to show sympathy.

Silvia – ”Stop trying and it will happen.” As if 2 years of trying naturally is not an indication something is wrong. “Your boobs are so big, imagine when you get pregnant” hmm what? I don’t care what my boobs will be like!

Alanna – “You two should just get totally drunk and I’m sure you’ll get pregnant.” Alright I’ll get right on that….Seriously!

Jenny A – “You should just adopt.” Drives me crazy. Oh, thanks, I never thought of that simple solution.

Jenny H – “It’s all in God’s plan” or “It’ll happen in God’s time” Though I believe in God’s guidance, I in no way believe that God caused my miscarriages to happen for some greater purpose.

Vida – “Just stop trying and it will happen” is the hardest to hear.

We have put our lives on hold for some of us, it’s been years. We have been poked and prodded more times than not. Our relationships have suffered. We have had to deal with loss. We’re emotionally spent. We deal with failure on an almost daily basis. We are tired, frustrated, and have been beaten down over and over. Relax is not something we want to hear and it’s not the answer to our problems.


2 thoughts on “Just Relax

  1. Mm, ‘have you thought about fostering, or adoption?’… yes that was said to me…so early on in our infertility ‘journey’ (sorry it’s the only word I can think of just now!) and by a ‘close’ friend. The mind boggles, it really does. How thoughtless can a person be?!?!!!!
    I start thinking I should be much more vocal about my struggles, if only to enlighten those who are blessed with children, what is and isn’t helpful advice those who aren’t – yet.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. All of this. Seriously. I’m so sick of being ‘polite’ and just smiling and nodding while wanting to scream at people for saying these things. People need to be educated on these things and know that they are NOT OKAY to say to people who are struggling!

    I completely agree with waking up, I want to be more vocal to people so that they understand this as best they can (because let’s be honest, they can’t ever completely understand if they haven’t been through it). Unfortunately, I feel like I’m being mean and cold if I tell people these things, but I shouldn’t. None of us should feel bad for letting people know how their comments make us feel.

    I’m sorry for your struggle. It is just unfair and it will never make sense.

    Liked by 2 people

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